Sexual performance anxiety is something any person can experience when it comes to sex–in varying degrees. Having sex with your wife that you have been with for a year (and that you already fully understand sexually) is far less stressful and creates much less discomfort than, for example, having sex with someone you barely know.
In both cases, however, sexual performance anxiety can still strike. Gender and emotions go hand in hand. While a little bit of fear will make things more exciting, feeling too anxious and worried can place a cap on your enthusiasm entirely, stopping you from getting it up or losing your erection when up.
Accepting You Have Sexual Performance Anxiety Can Be Helpful
We are programmed to believe that from birth we should all be fully aware of our sexual prowess. I remember my friend telling me what happened when he first had sex with a girl at the age of 14 and how the girl went on to tell her friends she “was not satisfied’ He stressed that he felt embarrassed to hear that.
None of us came into this world knowing about sex already, and even after decades of having sex, there is always more to learn.
This adds to the fact that we are all human … with a wide range of emotions, which definitely makes sex more complicated.
Be sincere to yourself and admit the fact that you’ve got a lot to learn about sex, and that you’re anxious about the situation.
The quicker you stop lying to yourself about your actual situation, the quicker you will be in contact with your real self, and this alone will loosen the grip of fear on your sexual performance anxiety situation.
Sex is Not a Life or Death Situation. Your Partner Only Wants Sexual Pleasure
You are taking this sexual performance anxiety situation very seriously.
She’s literally and completely opening up to you… she’s here to give you pleasure and complete satisfaction. She offers herself to you… for the moment at least.
If you don’t get it up, you won’t die!. If you ejaculate quickly, your life won’t end!. If you don’t make her orgasm, this won’t be the last time you have sex (most likely with the same girl)!.
Get rid of the pressure!. Stop worrying too much!.
While there are things you can do to make sure that your erections are in their best shape, ways to last longer and make sure that she has an orgasm (the clitoris is key!), just try to get it up and get it in there… and once you get used to it, you can work out all the details.
Recommended: What Is The Normal Duration Of Sexual Intercourse?
And if she leaves because the first time you guys tried sex, you didn’t perform like a porn star? Okay, yeah, she wasn’t worth it.
Maximum Mental Arousal Can Help Overcome Any Sexual Performance Anxiety
You have two conflicting “power systems” going on when you have sexual performance anxiety. One part of you is struggling to get erect, excited, and ready for sex while the other part of you is trying to stifle the sexual arousal or excitement through all the negative feelings like panic, uncertainty, doubt.
What you have to do is limit or reduce the sexual performance anxiety part of you while trying to have sex as much as possible to increase your mental excitement. And the physical (getting an erection) soon follows wherever the mental (mental excitement) goes.
There’s always going to be some atom of anxiety before sex, as we’ve learned. But, in order to overpower the anxiety, you must strengthen the mental excitement to the maximum.
For mental arousal, create powerful erotic images in your mind, and you will immediately get a strong erection.
How to Boost Your Mental Arousal To It’s Maximum
Younger men sometimes feel guilty whenever they think of the lady when she’s in bed in front of them. Stop it! Use her body as an exciting tool. Stimulate it, play with it, whatever part of her body attracts you the most.
Use her hand and, in the meantime, put it on your sensual organ. Avoid any discomfort. This is a natural phenomenon that has been going on from the start of time. Concentrate intensely on her most exciting parts, and take over your body.
You Can’t Force An Erection To Happen
That leads to the next aspect of becoming erect over the psychological Erectile Dysfunction.
You don’t want to think about getting erect. You can’t force an erection to develop. It’s a natural process that just needs enough sexual excitement to flood the entire organ for it to happen. You’re trying to tell it to happen, and the opposite is likely to happen.
Focus on getting aroused mentally… not on your erection.
So, turn up to the maximum, that mental arousal and the erection is going to kick in.
You also want to make sure that your physical condition is in good shape. Cardio workouts/exercises to get the blood flowing and proper mixing of hormones should insure the mental support of the body.
To Overcome Sexual Performance Anxiety, Work With Your Arousal And Not Against It
Work with your mind and body in unison. Don’t dismiss anything that happens (like anxiety), and don’t try to force anything to happen… just go with the flow. It will help to improve the physical state of your erections, this is a problem that you must first beat in your mind.
Causes Of Sexual Performance Anxiety
Sexual performance anxiety is a before and during sex state of nervousness and fear. It is extremely common for people of all ages and races to be affected. It can happen for a variety of different reasons, including:
- Concern over sexual performance (such as thinking that your mate might not be fully satisfied)
- Problems about your body image, such as weight, height, or penis size.
- Stress over erectile dysfunction, early ejaculation, late ejaculation and other disorders that may affect sexual satisfaction.
- Issues centred on the relationship, such as a lack of emotional connection or a lack of satisfaction with your relationship.
- Other sources of stress, such as work, relationship, family or other aspects of your life that are not sexual.
- The general nervousness of sexual activity.
The body can release increased amounts of powerful stress hormones like adrenaline when you encounter these emotions, making it harder for you to relax and enjoy sexual activity.
This can lead to erectile dysfunction for many men, making sexual intercourse difficult and less enjoyable. Sexual performance anxiety often worsens over time, causing more anxiety and stress over sexual activity from one bad experience.
How Performance Anxiety Happens
The body releases potent stress hormones like epinephrine (also known as adrenaline) and norepinephrine when you feel anxious. Such hormones block blood vessels, increasing blood flow to body parts like your penis.
It makes producing and maintaining an erection much more difficult than natural, affecting your ability to enjoy sex with your partner. Simply put, the success anxiety’s psychological effects contribute to your body’s physical response which makes sex more difficult.
This means that even people with no major physical causes of erectile dysfunction (ED) may find it difficult to get an erection if they feel anxious or nervous during sex.
Anxiety for success can occur before or during sexual activity. Sexual performance anxiety can make arousal easier during sex because anxiety about your sexual performance can make it harder to focus on the physical and emotional experience of pleasure.
Over time, sexual performance anxiety can have a significant negative impact on the sex life of an individual, resulting in a reduced level of interest in sexual activity (for some people).
Sexual Performance Anxiety and Erectile Dysfunction (ED)
For now, there is not much work on the effects of sexual performance anxiety on physical activity. Nonetheless, a 2005 study shows that performance anxiety is one of the causes most closely associated with male and female sexual dysfunction.
Can women get performance anxiety?
You can also experience sexual performance anxiety as a woman, particularly if you are in a new relationship or are very anxious about how your body looks. You may see yourself avoiding sex or being nude with your partner(s) because of the way your depression makes you feel.
Performance anxiety, like for men, can also contribute to some specific sexual problems. You may have a low sex drive, anorgasmia (not able to orgasm) or vaginal tightness. There are no particular medications for treating any of these conditions in the UK, so instead, you can still see the GP for non-medication therapy.
Sexual Performance Anxiety Medication
You can not get medications specifically for your performance anxiety, but there are drugs that can cure general anxiety, premature ejaculation, and erectile dysfunction. One such medication is Viagra. Nevertheless, it is worth mentioning that anxiety-treated antidepressants can sometimes make sexual dysfunctions worse.
Some causes of sexual dysfunction, such as low sex drive and delayed ejaculation, can not be treated with medication, but other methods mentioned below can be used to control them:
- Use meditation and mindfulness exercises
- Get rid of stress factors in your work and life
- Change your negative thought patterns with cognitive behavioural therapy
- Avoid rushing sex
- Discuss your worries and anxiety concerns with your partner
- Try sex therapy to work through performance and intimacy issues
- Learn more about sex and sexual behaviours
- Go to couples counselling to help with relationship problems
- Try talking therapy to manage stress and other life challenges
Take it easy, and you’re going to get there!